Character File: Jake Daniels

Certified menace. Professional snack destroyer. Somehow still alive.

Most groups facing an ancient magical apocalypse would probably want a strategist, a fighter, or a genius leading the charge.

Instead, Maria, Malik, and Layla got their friend Jake Daniels.

Jake approaches most problems with the confidence of someone who absolutely does not have a plan. Armed with sarcasm, stolen snacks, and a magically enhanced voice capable of leveling buildings, he somehow survives the impossible through equal parts courage, panic, bad decisions, and pure stubbornness.

He is also always hungry.

Seriously. Always.

If the world is ending, Jake’s first concern is whether anyone remembered snacks. Preferably Nachitos.

The following pages and recovered audio logs were pulled from Jake’s personal field guide sometime after the events of The Awakening. Several entries appear to have been written during active life-threatening situations.

Shockingly, most of the advice is still useful, so he put it into a field guide to help others who may face the same circumstances on a random Tuesday while waiting for the school bus.

Jake’s Field Guide to Surviving a Magical Apocalypse in the 8th Grade

(Because there’s no class for this. Yet.)

End-of-the-World Equipment Checklist

(aka: the stuff we found, touched, and are now apparently cursed with.)

Maria’s Amulet

Totally NOT hers. It belongs to the creepiest dark sorcerer in history, Lord Livenettor. But it glows, hums, and maybe has a crush on her? No big deal.

Malik’s Crystal Shard

Sharp. Glowy. Freaky. Lets him see visions of stuff we definitely do not want to know in advance. Still, super useful for dodging death. 9/10. Would keep away from toddlers and politicians.

Jake’s Rune Stone

My lucky rock. Basically turns my voice into a wrecking ball. You haven’t lived until you accidentally scream a barn into splinters. Still figuring out volume control.

Layla’s Passenger Problem

She didn’t exactly get an artifact. She got something a lot worse. Honestly though? She’s handling it better than most adults probably would. Still sleeping with one eye open. Just in case.

The Obscurian Cube

A device that possibly disables magic… or opens portals to dimensions full of screaming sock puppets. We stole it from some very bad people. Which legally makes it ours now.

The RV

Technically stolen. Smells like old people, mystery soup, feet, and disappointment. Drives like a shopping cart during an earthquake. Somehow still our safest option. Surprisingly good storage space for cursed relics and emergency Nachitos.

The Bad Guys

(Spoiler: they do not sell cookies.)

The Obscurian Order

Ancient secret society. Hate magic. Hate us. Probably hate puppies too. Led by Hans's dad, Viktor, who looks like he brushes his teeth with gravel.

The Girl Scouts

Not the cookie kind. These ones hiss, sprint on all fours, and stare at you like they’re deciding which organs to eat first. Still slightly less terrifying than fundraisers.

The Zombie Neighbors

Used to be normal people. Now they mostly stand around twitching with glowing eyes waiting for somebody to get too close.

Pros:

• Quiet

• No awkward conversations

Cons:

• Literally everything else

Lord Livenettor

Ancient evil wizard. Banished magic for a thousand years. Currently attempting the worst comeback tour in human history. Typical overachiever. Also, notice anything about his name?

Emergency Snack Priorities

(Maria forced me to include this section.)

REQUIRED:

• Nachitos

• More Nachitos

• Chips

• Juice packs

• Snack cakes

• Granola bars you pretend to eat but secretly trade for better snacks

• Anything that hasn’t expired

• Anything Maria says “probably won’t kill us”

ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN:

• Sea salt & vinegar chips. Those are not snacks. Those are punishments.

Important Survival Rules

• Always check your pockets before screaming.

• If something glows, maybe don’t touch it.

• Actually… definitely don’t touch it.

• Unless it looks really cool.

• Never split up.

• Unless I’m doing reconnaissance.

• Duct tape solves a surprising number of problems.

• Not demon possession.

• But a lot.

• If Malik gets a vision, stop walking immediately.

• Never trust a smiling stranger in the woods.

• Especially if they know your name.

• Always save at least one bag of Nachitos for emergencies.

Places You Absolutely Should Not Go

• Barns (100% chance of disaster.)

• Museums with “forbidden artifact” exhibits

• The roof of the Space Needle during a massive storm.

• The woods after dark

• Anywhere with Girl Scouts that don't sell cookies

• Anywhere Grumpy says is “perfectly safe”. That one’s usually the worst.

Things to Know About Dwarves

• They’re real.

• They’re grumpy. At least the one we met is.

• They know way more than they tell you.

• They hate being told what to do.

• If one saves your life, maybe skip the beard jokes. Trust me on that one.

Jake's Audio Log #1

The following was recorded Malik’s phone shortly after the group escaped an Obscurian Order hideout, survived approximately twelve separate disasters, stole back their supplies, and Jake "accidentally" burned down a barn.

“Journal entry Numero Uno. It’s been like, three days. Pretty much everyone we know is still asleep except us. We’ve run out of Nachitos until we stop at another store. We think our families are still okay, but we don’t know for sure. Maria’s invisible, Malik sees things other people can’t, Layla got possessed, I was kidnapped by some Obscurian Order jerkwads, and I got to use a taser. We’re also fighting off zombies and monsters with our magical powers, so that’s cool. And my mom will probably be mad, but I burned down the Order’s barn for taking me hostage. If the Order survived, they know who to come after. Love that for us. Jake out.”

Things Jake Will Never Admit Out Loud

(Except here.)

Jake jokes about almost everything.

Monsters. Ancient magic. Secret societies. Zombie neighbors. Possession. Near death experiences. All of it.

But underneath the sarcasm and nonstop commentary is a kid carrying around a lot more than he lets people see.

Jake’s humor is not just chaos.

It’s survival.

Because if he stops joking, he has to sit with everything else instead:

• the anger

• the fear

• the exhaustion

And despite all of it, when things go wrong, Jake still shows up for his friends every single time… even if he complains about it first.

Jake Daniels Survival Statistics

Current Status:

Technically alive.

Primary Skills:

• sarcasm under pressure

• snack acquisition

• improvising terrible plans

• "accidental" arson

• surviving entirely out of spite

Greatest Fear:

Running out of Nachitos before the apocalypse ends (tied with heights)

Most Likely To:

• touch the cursed object first

• get kidnapped

• insult an ancient evil organization to their faces

• accidentally save everyone

• ask for snacks immediately after escaping certain death

Official Group Role:

Unclear.

Unofficial Group Role:

Morale support raccoon.

Jake's Top 3 Tips for Surviving a Magical Apocalypse:

1. Don’t panic.

2. Keep moving.

3. Never trust glowing objects in the woods.

   (Unfortunately, the group broke Rule #3 almost immediately.)